Tonight my blog has been handed over to a guest writer currently residing in London SW1A. This was reportedly left on a photocopier by a forgetful junior

Sadly I have learned that despite the best attempts of Her Majesties unelected coalition Government to reduce the virulent development the lower classes have failed. Taking away their benefits, their education and their healthcare has done little to stop them breeding, in fact it appears the opposite has occurred. This development was unforeseen by Government experts and will require urgent and robust action. Therefore never shying away from the tough decisions, an order has been issued to start a cull. From midnight tonight specially trained officers will be working their way through the North euthanizing anyone without a decent job, good teeth and children. Those suspects who prove worthy of saving will be regularly assessed to ensure they continue to qualify. Time doesn’t stand still and neither does this Government.

Furthermore, it appears that a number of disabled people have proved themselves world class in recent athletic trials, we were very surprised to say the least as our friends at ATOS informed us that they were all work-shy layabouts. Anyway, a large proportion have expressed a desire to go to Rio in four years time. We have listened and we are happy to oblige but why wait four years? In fact anyone who claims to have a disability will be immediately deported to Brazil. This is a free country after all.

Now, honest citizens are worried about crime and we are right behind it. The problem is petty, the small minded and the desperate. They don’t think big enough, we have been stealing millions over the years and no one has felt unsafe in their homes, we may have sold a few weapons to a few dodgy countries but that is abroad and quite frankly, not England, I mean Britain.. and Northern Ireland. Can’t forget Northern Ireland can we? Well yes we can. We want to make it a matter of public record that Northern Ireland PLC has been sold off to Virgin; sort of fitting really.

I am sure you will agree that this is a better way forward for us and even if you don’t it will take you twenty three years to discover the truth by which time I will be doubly incontinent and very forgetful and hopefully somewhere warm where my ghost writer will write my memoirs. How does “My Struggle” sound to you?


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